The Anxieties of Sam Winchester
by MechanicMasquerade
Summary: From starting his teens, Sam's anxiety and nervousness has risen to extreme levels, and it's becoming difficult to hunt. John Winchester decides to leave Sam with Bobby for a while, so everything's easier for everyone, but faced with what he believes to be abandonment, Sam is more fragile than ever, while Dean is doing everything in his power to get back to his little brother.
1. Chapter 1

Sam had his first panic attack at age thirteen.

"For the love of God dad! Stop yelling at him!" Dean wrestled Sams arms away from his chest and stilled his frightened baby brother from thrashing, sitting Sam between his legs on the floor and holding his hands curled up inside of his own.  
John paused, anger not gone just yet, but overpowered suddenly for his youngest when he finally looked at him.  
"Sam?" Now that it was quiet, John and Dean could actually hear Sam's frantic, laboured gulps of air and the youngest couldn't seem to decide between screwing his eyelids tight shut, or wide like a startled animal. "Sam?!"  
"Fuckin' hell dad! What were you thinking?" Dean loved his brother just as much as his dad, but when push comes to shove Sammy always came first, and John shouting Sam into whatever was going on, just wasn't okay.  
John could hardly hear the words Dean was whispering into Sam's ear, but they seemed to ease Sams tensed body, even if just by a fraction.  
Until Sam looked at John.

His breathing sped up, hard and fast, Dean screaming for their dad to 'get out! Just get out!'  
"It's okay Sammy, it's okay, just calm down for me. He's gone, you're safe, you're okay." Dean hushed into Sams ear, feeling a shiver run through Sams body, from his shoulders down his arms and to the base of his spine.  
"Can't breathe, De." Sam sounded strangled, choked as if he was being, or had recently been, throttled. Dean could feel his younger brothers shoulders heaving against his chest.  
"You're fine Sammy, just breathe with me. He's gone baby boy, he's gone."  
As Sams breathing slowed and began to even out Dean continued to murmur soft encouragements into his ear. The younger twisted in Deans lap as he turned to look at him, clearly still very shaken and fragile.

"De? Dean? Wh...what?" Seemingly unable to speak, Dean brushed away a lock of hair from Sam's forehead.  
"I dunno, but it's over. You're...it _is _over, right?"  
"I...uh...I think..." Sam nodded, scared and confused, as he rubbed a hand over his chest.

* * *

Sam's attacks grew more frequent, more severe and it was starting to affect all of their abilities to hunt.  
If a noise was too sudden, too loud, Sam would drop, curl into the smallest shape he could manage with his new post-growth spurt body, and nobody could shift him. Dean and John would glance to Sam first of all before continuing to find out what the noise was and many times Dean would stay behind with Sam to work him through the attack.

It was frustrating for all of them, especially Sam, and he wasn't surprised when their father had advised that he stay behind in the motel for the duration of the hunt, doing internet research instead.  
It was better for all of them, John and Dean wouldn't be hindered and Sam wouldn't heighten his anxiety of anything outside of four walls.  
In fact, the longest he spent outside of a box of some sort was on the way from the car into the next motel. Heck, he didn't even get out until he was certain that John had got them a room.

The elder Winchesters were fully aware of Sam's growing anxiety, but blamed it on hunting (there wasn't a Hunter alive who didn't have some form of panic or anxiety issues) but when it got to the point where Sam couldn't even step outside of the Impala, they knew something was very seriously wrong.

Dean and Sam sat in the back while John drove, often checking the mirror to make sure Sam was still reading calmly and not freaking out about the speed of the car, the volume of the music or hitting a speed bump too suddenly and remembering to warn them when he was going to make a pit stop, so it wouldn't surprise his nervous son.

"About time, my bladders not made of steel you know dad." Dean stretched, popping the bones in his back and fingers.

"What about you Sammy? Gonna use the bathroom?" John tried to encourage him to say yes, but Sam just shook his head.

"I'm fine."  
Eyes briefly meeting in the mirror, John and Dean shared a look of agreement that both thought it was probably best not to mention the sixteen year old's refusal to go for nearly a week, until eventually he'd wet himself and adopted a nasty infection that had required hospitalization after it spread into his kidneys. The blood in his urine, pain when any lower abdomen muscle tensed, the agony of bathroom breaks, and Sam's anxiety toward the hospital. Nobody wanted that to happen again.

"You sure? It's still gonna be a while before we get to Bobby's." John smiled, it was probably the only place Sam could move freely without panicking in any way, where he could relax and be the Sammy he used to be.

"I'm sure." Sam looked back down at his book.

They never stopped for that toilet break and the only indication the the conversation had ever happened was Dean squirming in his seat in complete discomfort.  
When they finally got to Bobby's Dean shot out of the car like a bullet and was weaving through the maze of the salvage to, as he put it, 'bleed the lizard,' somewhere more concealed.  
John got out of the car just before Sam, who was shifting nervously on his feet, almost appearing scared by the breeze and the white butterfly that hovered near him.  
"Let's get inside, yeah?" John was gentle in his approach, he had to be, making sure not to touch Sam, not even a brush of their elbows and Sam nodded, making his way up to the house, watching each step placed carefully on the ground

* * *

**Why hello there!**

**I'm probably going to make this a short, multi chaptered story.  
Let me know if you have any suggestions, idea's, or something that you'd like to see in the story.  
Please review, I really enjoy reading them, they make my day!**

**Love from your dearest MechanicMasquerade **


	2. Chapter 2

Sam sat on Bobby's floor, legs crossed, while he fiddled with two cardboard rectangles, surrounded by a circle of haphazardly tossed pieces of yellowing paper.  
Dean and Bobby entered the living room and watched Sam, his tongue peeking out between his lips in concentration.

Bobby watched from the doorway, a mug in his hand steaming away and Dean walked over to Sam crouching beside him.

"What'cha doin' Sammy?" Dean brushed his knuckles along Sam's spine as gently as he could, picking up one of the pieces of paper. "What's this?"

Squinting at he paper he turned it over, words crammed on both sides Taking in the miserable expression his brother bore, Dean couldn't help but smile softly and rub Sam's back. "What happened?"

Mumbling down as he threw the cardboard at the floor and tried to sort through the paper Sam told Dean somewhat angrily, "I broke my book."

Dean stifled a chuckle as he picked up the hard covers of the book. "How the hell did you manage that baby boy?" He asked Sam, who worried his lip between his teeth as he tried to put the pages in the right order.

"Mmm..." Sam hummed, avoiding the question as he reached behind him to grab a wad of pages.

"Sammy..." Dean warned teasingly and Sam bitch-faced him.

"I busted it okay? It was...look I tripped and Harry Potter took the impact." Sams's eyes glowered when Dean snorted.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Me and dad are going to town later, I'll get you a new copy, yeah?" Dean smiled when Sam's face lit up, grinning almost impossibly wide. "Which one was it?"

"The first, I've never really had the chance to read them." He frowned. "Everyone else at all my schools have. I thought maybe if I did something that everyone else had, I'd be able to hold a conversation and maybe make a friend. Even if it is for just a few days."

Bobby took a sip from his mug, inhaling the bitter scented steam as he watched the exchange, feeling the air shift behind him when John made an appearance, never once bothering to glance back.

"I don't see why you're still dragging that boy around, Winchester." Bobby muttered so only John could hear him. "He's terrified of everything, and I'm damn certain that hunting isn't gonna help with that."

Huffing, the eldest of the family trio folded his arms. "I know-"

Turning, Bobby shuffled past John and motioned him to follow, leaving the two brothers to play with the stacks of paper, Dean had begun to fold the pages into small paper hats and was trying to see how many he could balance on top of Sam's head and shoulders. Sam was nearly shaking with laughter and doing his best to keep still.

Bobby waited for John outside, fixing him with a cold stare once the door was closed behind him. "Now, while your boys are busy turning my house into a confetti party, I think it's time we had a chat about Sam."

A cold breeze passed before John replied.

"I know you think I'm a bad parent-"

A snort.

"But I'm doing my best Bobby. I just don't know what to do with Sam anymore. He can't hunt, he can't leave the car, heck, I'd take anything. I don't even care if he went to school, or whatever." He took a deep breath, looking down at his feet. "I just want him to stop being so scared all the time."

Bobby nodded. "I never thought I'd hear you say you want Sam in school. I think any kind of regularity, or normalcy, could do wonders for that boy."

Eyebrows furrowing, John's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What are you..." He froze, eyes snapping wide open in realization. "No. No, Bobby I- Shit, I couldn't."

"D-Dean!" Sam giggled, almost trembling with the concentration it took to stay still.

Smiling, Dean hooked a paper hat over his brother's ear. "Dude, hang on, just- Hold still!" Dean squinted as his smile pushed his cheeks up. "Eleven!"

It took all of Sam's effort not to move while Dean moved behind him to fold more paper, but when Dean shuffled back around on his knee's, Sam tilted his head in curiosity, causing all but two hats on his shoulders to tumble to the carpet."Uhh...Dean?"

Dean presented him with a paper...'something' and grinned proudly. "What?"

"Wh...what is that?"

Frowning, Dean looked at the folded mess that drooped pitifully in his cupped hands. "It...it's a rabbit...Hey! Stop laughing!"

Disbelief washed over Sam as he looked at what Dean was trying to insist was a rabbit.

"Dean. That isn't a rabbit. How do you even...that's not a rabbit."

Grabbing one of the pages, Sam began to fold "This is how you-" He squeaked, laughing himself backwards and away from the page, chest rising and falling quickly

"Sammy?!" Dean sprung to his feet to aid his brother and at the same time see what set him off.

Looking up at him, cheeks flushed red. "I, uhh... I hadn't read that far into the book yet."

Slapping a hand over his mouth, Dean resisted the urge to laugh. "You made me think you were having an attack...because of _spoilers?!" _

Sam giggled playfully, shoulders rising and falling quickly.

Dean swore nothing could kill his good mood, because for once, those shoulders weren't a bad sign

* * *

**Hey there :3**

**Chapter two's up an' ready to roll.**

** I dunno if this is just me being egotistical, but I'd like to say that it's a pretty damn adorable scene between the little brothers.**

**Just for confirmation, Dean is 20 and Sam is 16, for anyone who wanted to know what their ages are :)**

**Love from your dearest,**

**MechanicMasquerade**


End file.
